Eyes on Him

I started this blog last year because a man I highly respect said that all political conservatives should blog.  Being the political creature that I am, I thought, "Well, I don't know much, but I am fairly good at forming and expressing an opinion."  Little did I know that our family would face a tragedy this summer that would rock us to our core.  I haven't felt impressed to publicly write about what we have gone through until now, and I am sure that this will come in waves.  Because we are so close to what I think is a very important election, you will probably see a few posts about politics, but in light of what our family has been through, things that once seemed so important have had to take a back seat.  Instead of this being just a political blog, it will, and already has been, more of a mixture.  I pray that it is God-inspired.  If you read something you take issue with, please let me know.  I am not perfect.  I am just a wife and a mom trying to walk a path that no parent should have to walk while keeping my eyes on a Heavenly Father who has the best interest of His children at heart.

I haven't really been drawn to the blogging world lately, for a myriad of reasons, but today I have been impressed to write a few things down.

As most of you know, on May 21, 2012, we lost our seventeen-year-old son, Brad.  He was our first child.  He was smart, funny, and kind.  He was rowdy, rambunctious, and always the first to try something, especially if it involved a hint of danger.  He had an impish little grin that followed him into his teenage years.  He kept us on our toes.  He had that teenage boy disease that so many boys do, invincibility.  Brad had just finished the 11th grade.  He was enjoying working with his dad for the summer.  He had plans for work and continuing his education, and all too abruptly, those plans came to an end.  The manner is which Brad died was preventable, making this all the more devastating for his family.  For those of you who don't know the details, we have been very open in person, but I won't put them here unless I know it is time because the issues are sensitive, and there are teenagers who might read this.  I would rather their parents talk to them about those issues.  I respect a parent's right to inform their children about certain things in their own time.  

It would take days to tell you everything that I have learned and am still learning.  My main purpose here tonight is to tell you that in the midst of the darkness, in the bottom of the pit, in the wee hours of the morning, when you think you can't take it anymore, there is a God who loves you.  There is a God who comforts.  There is a God who takes ashes and turns them into beauty.  In no way am I saying that I don't struggle.  Like any parent who has traveled this road, I thought that this was a bad dream, but as the days became weeks, I began to realize that I was very much awake and would have to figure out how to traverse the path we call grief while still caring for a family who very much needed me.  I have been angry. I have been overwhelmed with sadness.  I have questioned God.  I have had moments where breathing was all I could do, and even that seemed to be too much to ask.  I still have moments where I feel like I'm going under, but the God who calms the seas has caught me every time, and I know if I keep my eyes on Him, He will continue to do so.  Through these moments, we have had family and friends who have been faithful to be here when we needed them, they have prayed fervently on our behalf, they have mourned with us.  They have fed us and mowed our grass. We are putting one foot in front of the other because of the goodness of God and the prayers of His people.  

I have to take a moment to publicly thank the people who helped make Brad's funeral a service to honor our King.  That includes the musicians, our Pastors, the congregation, and all of the people who were behind the scenes.  Hundreds of people surrounded us on May 24, 2012, to honor our Savior, and to tell Satan that he was not welcome in that sanctuary or around our family.  The fiery darts that he was throwing at our family on that day were intercepted and deflected by the people of God who stood in the gap when we were at our weakest.  We love each and every one of you! I have included the link to Brad's funeral service for those of you who couldn't be there.  I have only watched it once.  It is just too fresh, but I can assure you that the worship and the Word was God-breathed and amazing.  The Lord heard the cries of His people, and He answered.   http://www.crossgates.tv/portfolio/item/brad-scoggins

I have so much running around in my head that wants to get out, but there will be time for that.  My charge to you tonight is to love the people around you with all you have.  Life is but a vapor.  If you are up to your neck in the waves, and you feel like you are drowning, call on the One who created and calms the seas.  He listens.  He loves you.  He answers.  Call on His people.  Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them."  Praise!  Praise!  Praise!  There is nothing that drives the devil crazier than when we praise God even when we don't feel like praising.  Psalm 42:11 says, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  There are days that I just can't read, but I can listen to music.  I had someone tell me that I wouldn't be able to sing for a while, but for some reason, God has preserved my voice.  It might not always be beautiful, but it is there.  Finally, when you have done all you know to do, stand.  Ephesians 6:13 tells us, "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."  That has been my toughest challenge.  When I have done all I know to do, and I still feel that empty hole in my chest, I tell God, "I am standing here.  Do you see me?"  I know He does, but sometimes, I ask anyway.  Hebrews 12:2 is my focus verse.  "Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Eyes on Him.  That's what this is about.  That's really what every day, every good thing, and every trial should be about.  Eyes on the One who endured the cross, so I can one day see my son again.  Eyes on the One who knew the day that Brad would come home to Him, and that our family would change forever.  Eyes on the only One who can save, comfort, and heal.  Eyes on the One who has forever conquered the grave!  Here are the words to one of my favorite songs.  Someday soon, we will sing this in His presence.  I, for one, can't wait!

1. “Man of Sorrows!” what a name
   For the Son of God, who came
   Ruined sinners to reclaim.
   Hallelujah! What a Savior!
2. Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
   In my place condemned He stood;
   Sealed my pardon with His blood.
   Hallelujah! What a Savior!
3. Guilty, vile, and helpless we;
   Spotless Lamb of God was He;
   “Full atonement!” can it be?
   Hallelujah! What a Savior!
4. Lifted up was He to die;
   “It is finished!” was His cry;
   Now in Heav’n exalted high.
   Hallelujah! What a Savior!
5. When He comes, our glorious King,
   All His ransomed home to bring,
   Then anew His song we’ll sing:
   Hallelujah! What a Savior!
6. -Philip Bliss